Things I would rather do than watch football.

As you will probably gather from what is bound to be a multitude of hate-posts about "The Beautiful Game", I am not a footy fan.
So much so that I have constructed a list of things I would rather do than sit through 90 mins of a ball being kicked around by a group of posers who get paid too much for what I think is distinctly unbeneficial to anything what so ever!

1. Make this list
2. Stick red hot pokers in my eyeballs
3. Stare silently at a wall
4. Paint the wall
5. Watch the paint dry
6. Bake enough cookies to feed the England team
7. Eat the cookies
8. Go for a run to work off the cookies
9. Do some charity work
10. Walk home from town barefoot (I've done this before; it's long and rather painful!)
11. Dig around in nettles looking for buried treasure
12. Research "Banker's Draft"
13. Bake sale for charity with all the footballers' cookies I couldn't finish
14. Drink piss
15. Eat shit
16. Plan a Mexican night with chilli, sombreros and a live Mariachi band
17. Set up my friends with "accidental" meetings
18. Roll enough cigarettes to last until the end of the next World Cup
19. Create something better than Google (It's worth a try!)
20. Unload my dishwasher
21. Reload my dishwasher
22. Synchronise all the clocks in my house to say the same time as my phone
23. Make enough sandwiches to feed a continent
24. Write a book
25. Give birth
26. Create a bigger secret organisation then the Masons (With special handshake)
27. Get unnecessary parts of my body pierced
28. Become a nun
29. Make one big candle from all the small candles in my house
30. Leave the nunnery and become a stripper
31. Knit all my friends and family matching jumpers
32. Stalk Jamie Oliver
33. Make a list of reasons not to listen to "East Anglian Boy"
34. Join the gym
35. TAKE OVER THE WORLD!